Many of you know that I love me some Disney. So there will be more than one Disney reference going along this journey, for sure! When Moana meets TeKa on the ocean floor, she says, “But this does not define you. This is not who you are. You know who you are”. I feel that many people that get diagnosed with cancer end up being consumed by that diagnosis. The black cloud of despair, depression, and doubt rap itself around that person and poisons them. Some people like most things more than others. At the end of this week, I will have my oncology appointment. I am hoping to get a treatment plan at this appointment. With all that, my brain has gone from one extreme to the next and everywhere in between about what that treatment plan might look like. The remainder of this post is a bunch of thoughts, feeling, and other stuff I’ve been thinking about. Aka, a brain dump. It’s semi-schizophrenic (meaning delusional at times and all over the place), but therapy, enjoy.

That part of the Moana movie keeps coming up when I think about all the different ways my appointment might go; this diagnosis does not define me. This diagnosis is not who I am. I know who I am. I am a woman that has breast cancer. I am not breast cancer. I happen to have breast cancer. It’s not what makes up the best of me. So why would I let that be the leading thing about me? It’s just now a part of me. From the start of this journey, I have said that cancer should not be a word that’s whispered. No warrior even whispered their battle cry. No, they screamed it from the top of the mountain with a spear raised to the heavens. Some people physically recoiled, like I slapped them when I told them I had cancer. This should not be. How are you? How can I help? Where are you mentally? These should really be the responses. Personally, when someone says, “I’m sorry,” after hearing I have cancer, it feels weird. It feels negative. If someone wants to fall into the dark pit of depression, negative away (remind them that they can go there. Just not stay there). But if someone is trying to be positive, strong, and fierce, shouldn’t your response match that? The main point is that we must ask and be told what is needed. I will always say what I need. More people need to do the same. Some people sit and suffer in silence. Not me! If I’m suffering in any way, y’all will be hearing about it! And I know that many in my cheer squad would drive 3 hours to come and sit in silence with me if that is what I needed. And, as always, I thank you all.

Despite all the back and forth with my thoughts and feelings, I’m ready for whatever the treatment plan is. I will ride my IV pole into this battle shouting: “I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, this is me. Look out, ’cause here I come. And I’m marching on to the beat I drum. I’m not scared to be seen. I make no apologies; this is me” – The Greatest Showman. Let’s take a moment to discuss being seen. Most know I like to be extra. So, of course, I have purchased items to help with that. Things like, warrior t-shirts, a warrior hat, and maybe even a sparkly pink pair of shoes that say warrior on them (I say maybe because my husband said I don’t need any more shoes. Love you honey). I will showcase my cancer diagnosis in a very me way. I will talk to anyone that wants to hear my crazy journey, how I got into my mindset, or to listen if they need another pink sister to hear their story. “We are glorious” and need to be seen in our way.